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Monday 26 September 2016
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Theft of surgery keys leaves me to pick up the crumbs

It's been a difficult month. I have had my keys stolen from the surgery.

Foolishly, I left them on my desk and later, despite my locked door, the keys were gone. Accusations were levelled at me. Had I faked my keys' disappearance? (To what end?). Had l lost them? (How dare people question my memory!).

In the end, the theft appeared to be confirmed by a forced lock on a cabinet door elsewhere in the practice. Ironically, this locked cabinet contained only biscuits, and my keys didn't fit (I'm not trusted with that sort of advanced-level access). And most of the biscuits were left.

It's amazing how many keys I had on that ring – surgery, home, car, shed, etc. Suffice to say all these locks have been changed – apart from the car lock. If anyone can start my car, they're welcome to it!

The police were helpful. They agreed that a crime had been committed, but wouldn't send CID as there would be too many fingerprints! I suggested crumb analysis, as there was evidence of one missing custard cream. Surely they could reconstruct someone's dental profile? I guess I've just watched too much Silent Witness.

Following my trauma over the theft, I dived headlong into our salaried doctors' storm over extended hours, which is enough to drive me to my Leonard Cohen back catalogue.

The salaried doctors have not expressed an interest in extended hours (who would?). There is some slack in the appointments system, which we need to utilise to improve our patient dissatisfaction questionnaire.

Myself and the other partners had a frank discussion with the salaried doctors about filling clinical time. This didn't go so well, but we wait with bated breath for their reflections on our discussions …

We've begun to realise that we need strategy at the surgery. Times are changing fast, and so to that end we have organised – with devastating efficiency – a "Pre-Away Day" planning meeting before the Away Day itself in October.

Our hoped-for new surgery premises have still not been given a clear green light. In fact, the lights seem to have been turned off completely at present, but I guess July is not a great time for decisions.

Out with the old and in with the new – the old GP registrars are leaving, and we await the arrival of newbies. I wonder which cars will get bashed in August – I may run a sweepstake. The winner could get a packet of biscuits – since the door's been broken off it shouldn't be too difficult to acquire the prize!